Desires and Goals.

I had the privilege of sitting under one of the more humble and meek teachers I have ever met. He was one of those teachers who cared much more about who we became than who we were. As a senior in high school, I think we were sort of in limbo between those two phases in life. We were torn between living in the moment and starting to look into the future as we made crucial decisions regarding our futures. We were still children, however. This man got up every single day in front of us and taught from his heart. I have a feeling he knew that what he said often fell on deaf ears but he planted the seed anyway. We were too busy dreaming about prom and trying to figure out how we would manage to get out of Tucson and on to bigger and better...But he spoke truth and the words he said still impact me.

He talked a great deal about the difference between our goals and our desires. He said that our goals are things we can achieve- things we work hard for knowing that our hard work will pay off. It is something we strive for in hopes of seeing a result. In the dictionary, a goal is defined as: a result or achievement in which effort is directed or aimed.

When I think of goals- I think of running a marathon. You train...running a little more every week. You prepare your body and your mind for what is to come. You work hard, pouring blood sweat and tears into this goal knowing that on the date of the marathon, your hard work will pay off. My friend, Grace, just ran a marathon. She trained hard, with a specific time in mind. She worked every single day to achieve this goal. On 10-10-2010 she ran in the Portland Marathon and blew her goal out of the water. Her hard work paid off. That is a goal.

Then there are desires. A desire is something that you hope for in your heart. It is something that often times we have no control over, but we want nonetheless. The dictionary defines a desire as: to wish or long for, to crave and want. Our desires are things we often pray for with great hope that the only One who has any say in granting those requests will hear us and find favor with us.

What our brilliant teacher in high school reminded us of is that sometimes we let our desires become goals- which is dangerous and often times heart breaking. We let our desire to find a mate become a goal and start pulling our our check lists. We let our desire for having a calling in life become a goal and we take job after job just to find them all not fulfilling. We let the things we want in our heart of hearts slip into the "Get it done" category in our heads and we tread thin ice. When we take control over our desires, we leave little room for God to work on our behalf. These words were spoken into my life over 8 years ago- yet I am still catching on to their meaning.

Josh and I knew before we got married that having children would be difficult. It was something we both desired passionately and were willing to do whatever it took to be able to see that desire come to pass. However, it is the perfect example of a desire- a gift from the Father that only he can give. Not long after we got married, that desire was granted. We were elated. From that moment on, our family was 3 instead of 2. We prayed constantly for our baby. I loved feeling sick because I knew that my desire was being granted...I woke up horribly sick every day around 3 am-

Until one day I didn't....it was the most painful experience physically, mentally, and spiritually that I have ever experienced. Josh and I were devastated- one of those crying-on-the-bathroom-floor experiences. We went over in our heads countless times what we could have done that would cause this. Did I forget to take my vitamin too often?  Was it the theme park we visited not knowing we were pregnant? Was it the antibiotics? Or was there just not enough room for a baby?

The closer our due date gets, the more I wrestle with this idea of goals and desires. I am working on making sure that my goals reflect my life as a Christ follower. My goal is to follow after Christ, to be a godly woman who works hard to be a witness to what Christ has done in my life. My goal is to love deeply and serve those in need. My goal is to be faithful to my calling despite everything around me that discourages me or disappoints me. My goal is to spend time with my Father despite the busyness that is always there.

But my desires? My desires need to be hard and fast rooted in Proverbs 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." My goal is to be delighted in the Lord...he will handle the rest.

Merry Christmas faithful readers- From my family of two to you, may your anticipation of Christs coming overrule your "To Do List"...

Birthdays

Today is my Birthday. Yippee! I love, Love, LOVE my birthday. I always have. I am 26 years old today and still, I count down every single year until my special day comes. I just love being celebrated and having one day to just feel special.

I am in the middle of celebrating, so I am sure there is much more to come. So far I have had breakfast in bed, flowers, a present from my honey (complete with a sweet, sappy card!), a birthday sign from the little one I babysit and some really thoughtful gifts from his family. I have received several phone calls and voicemails, countless texts and facebook messages. I feel celebrated, appreciated, and adored. I am just fine meeting my 26th year of life surrounded by the people I love who I know I can lean on when the going gets tough and life takes twists and turns.

I decided a few years ago that instead of making New Years Resolutions I would make birthday goals- Goals are so much more positive and exciting. I like who I am...I have worked hard to become the person I am...why change it all because the year is changing? Why not build upon that list?

Last year Josh and I sat down and wrote out a list of the goals we wanted to achieve before the next birthday. We picked one for every year old we were turning (Josh picked 28 and I picked 25). It was a fantastic way to spend our year checking things off. Our lists included various goals, some we had control over like going to a murder mystery dinner and others we did not, like getting pregnant. It gave us memories of our year and a reason to keep living an abundant life even when we didn't really feel like it.

What a blessing at the end of my 25th year to have checked so many things off my list. I am grateful to have been given yet one more year to live life to the fullest. I was given the chance to marry an incredible man, have a beautiful wedding, gain an amazing family to add to my already incredible and supportive crew, traveled ridiculous amounts, gained another sweet nephew, become a home owner, and the list goes on!

Bring it on 26! I can't wait....

Christmas Cheer

I adore Christmas. I pretty much can't even enjoy Thanksgiving because I know that Christmas starts the minute Thanksgiving is over. I am like a child, pressing my face against the glass looking out for Santa Clause from the second I am excused from the Thanksgiving table straight through the month of December.

I am sitting on the couch right now, listening to Christmas music, in front of the Christmas tree just smiling as I think about what the next few weeks will hold. Family, food, presents, and celebrating the birthday of the Most High...what could be better?

Usually I am right in the middle of the mix on "Black Friday". I am guilty of setting my alarm for ridiculous times, rolling out of bed and grabbing a stick of gum as I run off to spend my hard earned money on shirt and tie sets for my dad that are 75% off. I have fought down to the bottom of the barrel of DVD's with cranky middle aged women who are literally shoving DVD's down their coats. I have witnessed brutal attacks, including a man falling in a bin of what once was Snuggies...he should have moved faster. They take no prisoners. It is brutal. I have always loved it, not for the savings as much as the fact that the first shopping trip ushers in the start to the Christmas shopping, and as I many have mentioned before, I adore Christmas. This "Black Friday" Was different.

Our kitten woke up not feeling himself on Thanksgiving. I ended up spending the better half of Friday at the vet with little Simon. He is fine now, but he had a massive bladder infection which very well could have killed him. Thanks to our sweet and caring vet, he is back to being the little pest we love. While I sat in the vets office, I was really thinking about the start of Christmas.

I found myself sort of enjoying not being a part of the rush. Avoiding the hustle and bustle of the sales gave me the chance to go home with my little kitten and decorate. I summoned the courage to get the ladder out and brave our attic. I pulled all our Christmas decortications out, put on some Christmas music (Josh Groban of course...) and transformed our home into a winter wonderland. As I was setting up the Nativity, I found myself thinking about the Christmas Story. I paused for a while with Mary in my hands...

Mary was about 10 years younger than me. She was a virgin anticipating being married. I have been a bride before, I know what it is like to look forward to marrying a good man. God chose her because she had a good and pure heart. He asked her to do something painful and humiliating, and because of her obedience she was able to give birth to Jesus. I am really excited that my parents named me after this incredible woman.  I realized, that when we let God use us, when we are faithful and willing to surrender our will to God's will, good things happen. We celebrate those good things all year, but especially in December. Treasure this busy time. Enjoy shopping for something that lets your family know that you love them and care about them. Bake delicious treats with love for those around you. Embrace the season and let a little carol stir in your heart as we take an entire month to celebrate the birth of our King.

I am thankful for Mary's sacrifice of her reputation and willingness to surrender her entire body to God's will. I think that all my recent sufferings in that area of my life make me so much more thankful. What a gift- and the promise to us is that when we move out of the way and allow God to do His will, He will do what is best for us all the time, even if we don't always see it as the best.

What makes you joyful during the Christmas season?