It was ME.

I traveled back that day, 2,000 years ago...

I saw my Savior hanging there, broken and beaten. 

His eyes were fierce and full of pain.

I looked upon the angry crowd screaming, "Crucify HIM!"

In a haze, my heart began to race. 

What had my Savior done?

I tried to climb to the top of the hill,

To scream and shout for the crowd to stop.

They must have mistaken the Precious Lamb, 

For a criminal He is not.

My feet kept slipping in the mud.

I felt anxiety grip my chest. 

I rose my arms in surrender,

Until my eyes caught a glimpse of her face.

I spun around in total shock,

Not prepared for what I would see.

For in the crowd upon that day,

Stood none other than me.

I recognized my face at once.

A look of hate with a furrowed brow,

As I began to shout,

"Kill that Man! Make Him Pay."

As if in a dream, I saw myself,

standing beside the Cross. 

I thought for a moment that I was there,

To comfort my Savior, Lord and King.

But then as if my sin took control,

I grabbed hold of a hammer and and lifted it high.

I brought it down, swift and hard, 

One time for each lie I've told.

Moments later, I heard a whip 

Coming down upon His back.

My heart went cold as I looked down,

I grasped that whip, hard and fast.

My knuckles white with rage,

I beat my Jesus with no remorse.

The hate I have for others took control,

His back began to bleed.

Again I caught myself staring at my face,

For I was the one with the crown of thorns in my hand,

Ready to shove it on His head. 

A crown for a King, 

I certainly did not bring.

The blood dripped down upon His face,

For each time I've failed to show love.

Broken and worn I wandered away,

The crowd was still hot with rage.

I sat down to collect my thoughts, 

And figure out what I had done.

The girl sitting next to me asked me my name.

I tried to avoid her stare. 

She asked me again and declared in full voice,

"Weren't you one of Jesus' friends?"

Fear, which so often grips my heart, spoke loud and clear,

"I don't know that Man, I have never met Him."

Three times I screamed,

While fleeing from the scene,

I heard a rooster crow.

And then in the garden I walked with contempt,

Towards my Savior standing there. 

I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek,

To be sure I betrayed Him still.

Isaiah 53:3-6

"He was despised and rejected by mankind, 

a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. 

Like one from whom people hide their faces 

he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

Surely he took up our pain 

and bore our suffering, 

yet we considered him punished by God, 

stricken by him, and afflicted. 

But he was pierced for our transgressions, 

he was crushed for our iniquities; 

the punishment that brought us peace was on him, 

and by his wounds we are healed. 

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, 

each of us has turned to our own way; 

and the LORD has laid on him 

the iniquity of us all.

Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours.

Broken, tired, hungry, dazed, and emotional. 

That is how I would describe my feelings as I ended my hunger fast on Thursday. We pulled up to Red Robin that evening to celebrate our victory over hunger for 5 days. Three bites into my Blue Ribbon Burger, I was stuffed.

This morning in church we were reminded of the suffering around us. Experts estimate that it would take about 30 billion dollars to solve world hunger...Americans spend more on Pizza every year. Now, I really developed a love affair with pizza since moving to Chicago, but if someone told me that if I went without pizza for one year I could solve the world hunger crisis, I would do so willingly. Sign me up!

We as Americans represent five percent of the population, however, we take up thirty percent of the resources. That fact alone sends chills up and down my body as I think of the waste in our own home. Josh and I try very hard to be wise stewards of what God has given, yet our attitude about wasted food is the type of perspective that fails to acknowledge starving children in the world.

I am also humbled when I consider my faithful "truck". I have driven the same car since college. My Nana and Tata helped me purchase my sweet little old lady go-getter my senior year in college- thank God for good grandparents! I am often times embarrassed when I pull up in my little beater and park next to a BMW or Lexus. This weekend my car had to go into the shop for some repairs so it can pass emissions (we get nervous when we are being tested...she hasn't passed yet, but it is looking better!). I must confess, every time she goes into the shop, I secretly hope that it will cost more than she is worth and I can move on to something with working windows. Then, I am reminded of the fact that owning a car is a privilege and that the elite 8% of the population that is so fortunate to own a car should just be grateful. To ninety-eight percent of the world, I am blessed beyond belief. I need to live in that mindset a little more often.

There are one hundred million homeless people in the world. One billion people do not have clean drinking water. Eight hundred sixty-two million people are affected by severe hunger. Sixteen thousand children DIE of hunger every single day. Those numbers should resonate deep within your soul. They should move you. They should change you.

As we move into Holy Week, I am reminded that Jesus came to earth to be a part of our suffering. Philippians 2 reminds us to have the same mindset as Christ Jesus. He chose to give of himself, forsaking his privilege, humbling himself as a man, and allowing himself to be killed in a humiliating and painful way.  What privileges are we willing to give up to help those in need?

We get caught up and often times swept away with the greed that surrounds us. We always want the new, the best, and the shiniest. We see what others have and we start to scheme...however, just because we are Americans does not give us the right to turn a blind eye to the suffering around us. Even in America, children go to bed hungry. Parents worry about a bare pantry. What are we going to do about it?

1 John 3:17-18
"If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with ACTION and in TRUTH.

Hunger

Today is day 3 of our Hunger Fast. I am hungry, weak, and ready for bed. 

Even though I did this fast last year, I am still blown away at how difficult it is to function off of so little food. I am in a haze as I try to move about my day. My head is aching, my body is feeling weak and deprived and I am just irritable in general. Last night started the hunger pangs in the middle of the night. Both Josh and I woke up with intense hunger but couldn't do anything about it. Yet, despite knowing that this exists for 1/2 of the world, we go about our days consuming more than enough and wasting the rest...Not okay.

I think the single most shocking factor of all of this for me is that in a few days I get to return to my normal diet. I can crack open a diet coke, eat some hummus and grab some jelly beans. I have no fear or worry that I will not get another meal. I know we will return to cooking scrumptious dinners and even following that up with some dessert. Yet, for 1/2 of the world, that is not their reality. Mothers, fathers, and children worry about what they will eat. They work hard just to literally put food on the table. They go about their day in hopes that something will be provided to soothe the aches in their bellies. This fast, no matter how difficult it is in the moment is nothing in comparison to the suffering and devastation of men, women, and children all around the world. The weakness I am feeling and the grumbling in my tummy cannot compare to the damage caused by starvation across the world. We have to do something about it.

As I described before, my head feels cloudy. Easy tasks seem daunting throughout the day. I am a 26 year old, done growing and developing. To think that children live off this minimal of a diet breaks my heart. No wonder children are under developed in third world countries. 

I have had more than one person say, "Don't you think people get used to not eating?" To that I generally reply, "As soon as they get used to not eating, they die." If you are one of those people who thinks that way, from the bottom of my heart, I beg you to take the challenge. Let God work in you to soften your heart to the hunger crisis in the world. Go without and then answer the question, "Did you get used to it?" The answer is a resounding no. 

My heart is being softened to the needs in our world. I know first hand that families in our neighborhoods are struggling to provide meals for their families. How sad that in a country this progressive and well established we still have children going to bed hungry. I challenge you to look inside your heart and take action. 

My heart is also rejoicing in the fact that God has certainly been good to me...I am ever thankful for his provision and blessings in my life. I am grateful that after 5 days of hunger, I know without any doubts that I will be blessed again.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind...

Would you say that you are someone who doesn't think about something unless it is right in front of you?

I know I certainly am. The "out of sight, out of mind" mentality is something I struggle with. I think that it is a part of our culture to really only focus on current events or what is happening in that instant. Think about how much publicity Haiti got when the earthquakes rendered them helpless. We all donated and raised supplies for people to go over there and help them get their lives back in order. Yet, how many of us today have sort of put that on the back burner and maybe not really paid attention to the fact that one of the poorest countries in the world is now even more destitute and poverty stricken than before?

The next tragedy has hit...we are all about posting prayers and sending aid to Japan, but I have to ask myself, how long until Japans devastation is no longer a thought in our minds?

Out of sight. Out of mind.

I try to be attentive- to remember a friends birthday or anniversary. But, I have to say, more often than not, I am frantic to drop a card in the mail (usually on that persons special day) because the other aspects in my life seem more pressing.

A dear friend of mine lost her mother to ALS 2 years ago this April. I will never forget the words she said to me over a burger at Fridays the week after her mother passed away. She said, "Mary Beth, my biggest fear is that over time my friends will move on and the pain will no longer be in the forefront of their minds...and the pain...even 5 years from now will still be fresh to me." Those words struck a cord in me. I want to be that friend who remembers. I want to be the person that every April 2 takes a minute to say a prayer for my friend, send her a text, email, or card. I want her to know that she is loved, but more importantly, I want her to know that she is remembered.

Every spring our church takes some time to acknowledge the poor. Celebration of Hope consists of several different aspects where we are able to take part in remembering those who are hurting. This coming week we are starting the most challenging aspect of  COH...

On Monday we are committing to 5 days of eating how one-half of the world eat everyday. Did you know that one-half of the world lives off of two dollars of food (about 3 cups of food) everyday? One cup of oatmeal for breakfast. One cup of rice and beans for lunch. One cup of rice and beans for dinner. Oh, and tap water....no coffee...no diet coke.

Josh and I took this challenge on last year. We were hungry, we were crabby, and we were weak. Yet, in the midst of our hunger pangs God worked in us to soften our hearts to the poor. We entered into the struggles of faceless brothers and sisters all over the world and our hearts were broken for them. The hunger pangs that we went to bed with every night were heart breaking and sickening. To top it all off, we both held desk jobs. Add on top of those hunger pains needing to walk 2 miles to get your well water. See, even in spite of giving up the comforts of fresh produce and COFFEE I knew without a doubt that when my five days were over I would return to a full fridge. I did not have to worry about where my next meal would come from or IF our next meal would come.

But, the suffering of the poor was much closer to my heart in those five days. I challenge you. Don't let the starving go to sleep and never wake up. Enter into their pain and do something about it.

My challenge to my readers is to take part in this 5 day challenge. Join me in eating 3 cups of food a day and drinking only tap water. Then, take your weekly grocery budget and donate it to a soup kitchen, a food bank, or a non-profit organization dedicated to feeding the hungry. Your sacrifice will change lives.

Interested in reading more? Visit Celebration of Hope.

"I was hungry. You gave me food. I was thirsty. You gave me drink. I was a stranger. You took me in. I needed clothes. You gave me clothes. I was sick. You came to visit me. I was in prison. You came to see me."
Matthew 25:35-36