FeBRRRRuary

The whistle of the wind whizzing past me...

The cold air chapping my skin...

Muscles engaged, well aware that they had a job to do...

One thought on my mind - "do not fall down"...

This Arizona desert rat tackled the slopes. That's right - I went skiing! I know there are loads of Arizonans who love to ski (including my dad), but I have always firmly been against all snow sports and avoided contact with snow at all costs. But this winter has been a little in your face and made that harder to avoid. Chicago has had over 6 feet of snow this winter! It's been impossible, so instead of fighting it, I embraced it and went skiing.

After an hour long ski lesson and countless trips down all four levels of the bunny hills, I decided it was time to graduate to the actual slopes, chair lift and all.

Standing at the edge, looking out over the 'blue square' (more difficult) slope, I was literally shaking with nerves, excitement, and anticipation. I had stayed upright for a good two hours at that point and I wanted to do this, but felt that little cautious bug I've always had telling me that it was too much.

Josh looked at me and said, "Do you want me to go first or do you want to?" Without even answering him, I stuck my poles in the snow and started pushing towards the edge. He yelled, "You've got this babe!" and with that I edged my skis downward, and away I went!

It was exhilarating. I could feel my stomach in my throat the whole time, but I realized that not only could I do this, I was doing it. I let out a "WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!" all the way down the slope.

My goal was to ski before I turned 30. I thought this would be one of the harder ones that I signed myself up for, but I did it, and it felt freeing and energizing.  I felt alive.  That feeling came at a time I needed it most...

Earlier in the week, after a year of waiting, Josh and I got the phone call we had been praying for. We were picked to adopt a baby who had already been born. Her birth mom was ready to meet us and wanted us to join her at the hospital the next day. We flew around cleaning, pulling clothes out of storage, washing the infant car seat, and took a quick trip to Target.  We could hardly breath.  It was almost here - we were going to be parents again!

And then, in an instant, it was gone.  We got a call from our social worker the next morning as we were getting ready to leave for the hospital. She told us that the birth mother changed her mind and decided to parent. Just like that, we crashed, falling into a pile of skis and poles, snow flying everywhere. We laid flat on our backs assessing the situation. Were we okay? Could we still breath? Was anything broken?

Going into our second adoption, our eyes were wide open to the fact that it could fall through. We are not unaware of the risks of domestic adoption, but nothing prepares your heart for that phone call. It's like a bad fall on the slopes.

But, what I proved to myself that day on the slopes was that I can get up, I can try again, and I can be successful. Life isn't worth living if we stand back and pass up opportunities because of the fear of pain and loss. We might fail. We will fall. But we can get back up and give it another try because we know God is faithful and will give us the strength and patience that we need.

On a cold day on the slopes in Bartlett, IL, God reminded me of his faithfulness yet again, and I am back on my feet, ready to tackle the next challenge because I know that I can.