Forgiveness

I am not perfect. There, I said it. For those of you who didn't know that yet, I am so sorry to dash your hopes. I am no Mary Poppins. I am a sinner with a inkling to do the wrong thing. I struggle with forgiveness, holding grudges, and letting go when someone has wronged me. I don't like this about myself at all, but I am honest enough with myself to face these ugly truths and I know that with the help of God, I get better at dealing with them everyday...well, most days....well, sometimes.

Yesterday was one of those days. I was so angry, frustrated, and hurt and I took it out on the wrong person. I was so angry. I knew what I was doing but couldn't stop myself. I hate feeling out of control like that. After attempting to take care of it my way, and making matters worse in the meantime, I gave up and went to our Wednesday night service. I knew it would be worth the trip, even though I was still BURNING with anger.

I was so very distracted at church. I have a tendency to not be able to turn my brain off when I am mad. I sit there yelling insulting come backs in my head and thinking evil, evil thoughts. Yesterday was no exception.

The worship leader must have been able to hear my brain waves. She had us sit down and encouraged us to ask for forgiveness for any unsettled business that took place before we came in. I am pretty sure she looked right at me as she described the weight that not letting go puts on our shoulders. It was the kick in the pants I knew I needed to get me back on track.

That's just the thing about forgiveness...Jesus has forgiven me of much. How can I deny people forgiveness and yet still be thankful for what Christ has done for me? When I think of all the wrong that I have done, the hurt I have caused, and the bitterness I have allowed to form in the light of Christ's forgiveness I am humbled. My anger, contempt, and bitterness seems very small and insignificant. Colossians 3:13 came to mind, "Bear with each other, and forgive whatever grievances you have against one another. Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you." This verse makes it clear.  There are no if, ands, or buts. Forgive. God forgave you, you forgive others.

I am so overwhelmed with joy that God loves me enough to remind me of His character. His qualities that draw us to Him and force us to be better. I am not perfect....but I am working on it and I am filled with JOY that He is working on me- despite myself.