Shh.

When you are upset, do you sometimes feel like saying everything that you are thinking is the only way you are going to feel satisfied? Do you view complete and total honesty as better than mincing words?

In some of my relationships (mostly my VERY close ones) I have always felt like total honesty is always better than worrying about the other persons feelings...That is until recently.

Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back."

After reading this verse I wanted to scream back, "HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY!" But is it really? If I think back to the confrontation I have had in my life with various people, I can evaluate the times where I have held my tongue and said what needed to be said but was able to do so in love vs. the times where I felt the need to just say everything I was feeling. Being able to say what needs to be said without vomiting all over the other person with emotionally driven accusations has always been better for me. Not that I have always felt that way or done so!

Why does venting feel so good? I do it. I have lots of friends who do it to me. And I enjoy it. I always feel better when it is done. But when are we to keep our mouths shut? Proverbs makes it pretty clear- either you can be a fool who vents all your feelings, or you can be a wise man who hold back. So what now? If we are honest, I think the reason we all feel the need to vent is because we want to be heard. We are hurt, angry, frustrated, or confused and we want someone to validate our feelings. I know that for myself, I am going crazy in the head having one sided conversations or arguments and  I need to get it out to someone else who will 'amen and that's right' my argument. So what's the solution?

I read an awesome quote about this earlier this week. It said, "Distinguish carefully between what is truly right and wrong. If it doesn't fall clearly into either of those categories, keep your personal opinions to yourself. Or pray about them and then, as the Lord leads, reveal them for calm discussion."

Ecclesiatstes 5:2 says, "Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you are on earth; therefore let your words be few."

I think from now on I am going to try to be more careful about what I say when I am upset. I need to learn to immediately go to God- not my husband or friends- and pray it out. I think I might save some people a tongue trashing by making this my first move. This might be one of the hardest lessons for me learn.

What about you?